OP
🛡️ x4
Chickens CO
No need to show up for this match, we’ve already laid out the match report. Read below for how this match goes in 30 minutes and watch it if you want, I guess. 🤷♂️
⚔️ MATCH REPORT | 12.7mm vs. Warhawks
Season 56, Week 1 · EC · Written in advance. Based on history. Probably accurate.
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DEPLOYMENT
The dropships hit simultaneously. Southwest: 12.7mm's old green hull kissing the grass near the tank wreck at A5, boots barely on the ground before someone is already checking the minimap. Northeast: the Warhawks blink in around J2, clean and practiced, megachompy already moving before the animation finishes. Neither squad wastes time on the outer wasteland. The playable ground is the compound — the big rooftop structure at the top, the blue-lit mall interior at mid, and the corridors connecting it all. Both teams know it. Both teams head straight in.
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EARLY GAME
12.7mm goes conservative, the way teams that have been beaten all season learn to go conservative. ThatDude and chica push straight up the west entrance, securing the lower-left corner of the building interior. MTR3 peels off almost immediately — the grenadier doesn't need line of sight, he needs angles — and he finds one on the north face of the main building at E2, covering the rooftop approach that everyone in the Warhawks playbook eventually walks through. It is the one genuinely clever thing 12.7mm does today. Thiz takes the ATR and goes long into G3. Jager- and smackrock fan south along the building's west wall.
The Warhawks, meanwhile, are already somewhere they shouldn't be by the time 12.7mm finishes setting up. megachompy doesn't come through the front door. He never does. He skirts the northeast corner, enters through the H-I corridor, and crosses into the compound's east wing before most of 12.7mm has even finished positioning. The Gift and Colossal come down the north face together — LMG and Marine, a two-man wrecking ball that has been running the same play since the bugs days. The Gift takes the rooftop at E2. Colossal goes through the door. Sol is somewhere on the flank and nobody sees him until it's too late.
Three minutes in, Thiz catches a Warhawks rotation he wasn't supposed to catch. RRU, pushing south from I2, walks into Thiz's sightline at G3. ATR vs LMG at medium range — Thiz wins it. First kill: Thiz. Warhawks 0, 12.7mm 1. The chat is quiet for about four seconds before megachompy responds. He was already moving toward that corridor. He reaches Thiz before the ATR can reset and the trade happens in a doorway around F3. First Warhawks kill: megachompy. Of course. From this point forward, the game is no longer close.
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THE COLLAPSE
The Gift finds a second approach on the rooftop — the north skylights that look like decoration on the minimap but provide a clean firing line down into the main entrance. MTR3 grenades the position. The Gift doesn't move. The explosion kills a pigeon or something. MTR3 goes down. With their best player off the field for twenty seconds — roughly four Warhawks kills in this game's economy — the wheels come off fast. Colossal is inside the mall now, running through the blue-lit corridors at F4-H4. solid snake22 and Mystery try to hold the west side at E4. Colossal doesn't slow down. 14 KPG doesn't mean much until you're watching it happen in a corridor and realizing the guy simply will not stop shooting. ThatDude runs toward the sound of the fight because that's what ThatDude does — he finds Colossal at F5 and trades himself for approximately nothing. chica follows him in. Score: Warhawks 18, 12.7mm 4.
Nobody has seen Sol since the opening rotation. This is a problem. He has been sitting in the mall's southeast service corridor at H5 for three minutes waiting for exactly this moment — 12.7mm funneled into the open ground between the mall's south exit and the structure at G5, responding to Colossal's interior push. Jager- comes through that exit. Sol is waiting. smackrock comes through thirty seconds later. Sol is still waiting. Harrigan rounds the south corner at F5. Sol deals with that too. Three kills, ninety seconds, zero deaths, minimal movement. This is what a 3.21 K/D looks like in practice. Warhawks 31, 12.7mm 6.
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MIDGAME
Fairfax and slob rotate support behind Colossal and megachompy the whole time, keeping both alive through the interior push — their best-case scenario, a game where the fraggers aren't in danger and the medics just run cleanup. MTR3 respawns and finds a second angle near the small structure at C4 outside the main compound, covering the west approach. Too far from the action to change anything, but he gets two kills on Warhawks rotating between spawn points. MTR3 kills: 6. Team kills: 9. He is doing two-thirds of the work.
With the interior secured, megachompy and The Gift switch sides. megachompy pushes west through the mall and starts clearing the D4 area that 12.7mm was supposed to be defending. The Gift swings north through E2 and opens a new angle on the western spawn approaches. The pincer. It's not improvised — these two have been running some version of this since the good guys/bugs days and every team they've ever played has eventually been on the wrong end of it. The Warhawks don't need to rush. They're up 60-12. megachompy is walking now. He spots two 12.7mm players regrouping near the tank wreck at B5 — their own dropship territory — and takes the angle before they see him. Warhawks 67, 12.7mm 14.
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LATE GAME
What remains of 12.7mm tightens around the southwest approach — narrow the frontage, force the Warhawks to come to you, make someone pay a price. MTR3 is still grenadier, still fighting, and he lobs one toward the compound exit at D4 that catches Romulocks mid-rotation for kill #9. Romulocks is the only Warhawks player to have a genuinely rough outing. It happens. The final push is led by Colossal, who at this point has been inside the building so long he might be paying rent. He exits south at G5 and sweeps west while RRU and Rio flank at the edge of the map, and there is simply no more ground for 12.7mm to give. ThatDude makes a break for it and gets one kill — clean, genuine, you-have-to-admit-that-one-was-real — on Aerith near C4, who got too close to the dropship zone without support. ThatDude's death count for the game is thirteen. He was also the first one to push, every single time. That counts for something. We're not sure what.
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FINAL SCORE: Warhawks 113 — 12.7mm 31
MVP: megachompy — 19 kills, 3 deaths. Ran the east wing and half the interior by himself.
Honorable mention: MTR3 — 11 of 12.7mm's 31 kills. He is the reason this wasn't 113-14.
Stat line of the game: ThatDude — 1 kill, 13 deaths. Played every second. Zero quit.
⚔️ MATCH REPORT | 12.7mm vs. Warhawks
Season 56, Week 1 · EC · Written in advance. Based on history. Probably accurate.
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DEPLOYMENT
The dropships hit simultaneously. Southwest: 12.7mm's old green hull kissing the grass near the tank wreck at A5, boots barely on the ground before someone is already checking the minimap. Northeast: the Warhawks blink in around J2, clean and practiced, megachompy already moving before the animation finishes. Neither squad wastes time on the outer wasteland. The playable ground is the compound — the big rooftop structure at the top, the blue-lit mall interior at mid, and the corridors connecting it all. Both teams know it. Both teams head straight in.
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EARLY GAME
12.7mm goes conservative, the way teams that have been beaten all season learn to go conservative. ThatDude and chica push straight up the west entrance, securing the lower-left corner of the building interior. MTR3 peels off almost immediately — the grenadier doesn't need line of sight, he needs angles — and he finds one on the north face of the main building at E2, covering the rooftop approach that everyone in the Warhawks playbook eventually walks through. It is the one genuinely clever thing 12.7mm does today. Thiz takes the ATR and goes long into G3. Jager- and smackrock fan south along the building's west wall.
The Warhawks, meanwhile, are already somewhere they shouldn't be by the time 12.7mm finishes setting up. megachompy doesn't come through the front door. He never does. He skirts the northeast corner, enters through the H-I corridor, and crosses into the compound's east wing before most of 12.7mm has even finished positioning. The Gift and Colossal come down the north face together — LMG and Marine, a two-man wrecking ball that has been running the same play since the bugs days. The Gift takes the rooftop at E2. Colossal goes through the door. Sol is somewhere on the flank and nobody sees him until it's too late.
Three minutes in, Thiz catches a Warhawks rotation he wasn't supposed to catch. RRU, pushing south from I2, walks into Thiz's sightline at G3. ATR vs LMG at medium range — Thiz wins it. First kill: Thiz. Warhawks 0, 12.7mm 1. The chat is quiet for about four seconds before megachompy responds. He was already moving toward that corridor. He reaches Thiz before the ATR can reset and the trade happens in a doorway around F3. First Warhawks kill: megachompy. Of course. From this point forward, the game is no longer close.
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THE COLLAPSE
The Gift finds a second approach on the rooftop — the north skylights that look like decoration on the minimap but provide a clean firing line down into the main entrance. MTR3 grenades the position. The Gift doesn't move. The explosion kills a pigeon or something. MTR3 goes down. With their best player off the field for twenty seconds — roughly four Warhawks kills in this game's economy — the wheels come off fast. Colossal is inside the mall now, running through the blue-lit corridors at F4-H4. solid snake22 and Mystery try to hold the west side at E4. Colossal doesn't slow down. 14 KPG doesn't mean much until you're watching it happen in a corridor and realizing the guy simply will not stop shooting. ThatDude runs toward the sound of the fight because that's what ThatDude does — he finds Colossal at F5 and trades himself for approximately nothing. chica follows him in. Score: Warhawks 18, 12.7mm 4.
Nobody has seen Sol since the opening rotation. This is a problem. He has been sitting in the mall's southeast service corridor at H5 for three minutes waiting for exactly this moment — 12.7mm funneled into the open ground between the mall's south exit and the structure at G5, responding to Colossal's interior push. Jager- comes through that exit. Sol is waiting. smackrock comes through thirty seconds later. Sol is still waiting. Harrigan rounds the south corner at F5. Sol deals with that too. Three kills, ninety seconds, zero deaths, minimal movement. This is what a 3.21 K/D looks like in practice. Warhawks 31, 12.7mm 6.
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MIDGAME
Fairfax and slob rotate support behind Colossal and megachompy the whole time, keeping both alive through the interior push — their best-case scenario, a game where the fraggers aren't in danger and the medics just run cleanup. MTR3 respawns and finds a second angle near the small structure at C4 outside the main compound, covering the west approach. Too far from the action to change anything, but he gets two kills on Warhawks rotating between spawn points. MTR3 kills: 6. Team kills: 9. He is doing two-thirds of the work.
With the interior secured, megachompy and The Gift switch sides. megachompy pushes west through the mall and starts clearing the D4 area that 12.7mm was supposed to be defending. The Gift swings north through E2 and opens a new angle on the western spawn approaches. The pincer. It's not improvised — these two have been running some version of this since the good guys/bugs days and every team they've ever played has eventually been on the wrong end of it. The Warhawks don't need to rush. They're up 60-12. megachompy is walking now. He spots two 12.7mm players regrouping near the tank wreck at B5 — their own dropship territory — and takes the angle before they see him. Warhawks 67, 12.7mm 14.
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LATE GAME
What remains of 12.7mm tightens around the southwest approach — narrow the frontage, force the Warhawks to come to you, make someone pay a price. MTR3 is still grenadier, still fighting, and he lobs one toward the compound exit at D4 that catches Romulocks mid-rotation for kill #9. Romulocks is the only Warhawks player to have a genuinely rough outing. It happens. The final push is led by Colossal, who at this point has been inside the building so long he might be paying rent. He exits south at G5 and sweeps west while RRU and Rio flank at the edge of the map, and there is simply no more ground for 12.7mm to give. ThatDude makes a break for it and gets one kill — clean, genuine, you-have-to-admit-that-one-was-real — on Aerith near C4, who got too close to the dropship zone without support. ThatDude's death count for the game is thirteen. He was also the first one to push, every single time. That counts for something. We're not sure what.
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FINAL SCORE: Warhawks 113 — 12.7mm 31
MVP: megachompy — 19 kills, 3 deaths. Ran the east wing and half the interior by himself.
Honorable mention: MTR3 — 11 of 12.7mm's 31 kills. He is the reason this wasn't 113-14.
Stat line of the game: ThatDude — 1 kill, 13 deaths. Played every second. Zero quit.
"They came in with a plan. The Warhawks came in with megachompy. Those are not equivalent things."
Edited Apr 26, 2026